Wednesday, September 25, 2013

My pencil is my Zen Master...

While I have been quite busy "not taking" freelance and working and drawing and doing all sorts of things, I have made time enough to do something every day that I haven't done in years - that I rarely do anymore - until recently. I have started making little happy decisions. A little 'yes' instead of a 'no'. A little 'yeah, I should' rather than an 'I really shouldn't'. This seems simple, but when you work and pay bills and have creatures who rely on you for things and...a mirror that has suddenly turned on you and demands you put in overtime at the gym, these little decisions feel very difficult. It might just be me. Maybe I'm too good at guilting myself out of things, which is ridiculous because...well, it's just ridiculous.
But with my decision to draw every day have come other unexpected joys and changes. My decision to draw every day was made entirely for the purpose of getting better at drawing. It didn't really occur to me how much it would change the way I see things on a daily basis. Even when I'm not drawing something, I'm noticing the way the light grazes the top of it. I love watching the little fat birds that peck away at the seeds on my neighbors towering flowers, but I never noticed how positively circular they are! Running has become more than that thing I do for exercise. I hardly notice anymore how badly I want to throw up or lay down! I am on a conveyer belt passing the afternoon light in the harbor and on the sides of the knotted oak trees in the gulch.
And somehow, feeling a bit more aware of my world, feeling my senses enhanced, has filtered into my choices...minute to minute, hour to hour.
In the middle of my run the other evening, where normally I would push through and sweat as I passed people - jealous as they strolled with their feet in the silvery water, I stopped. I removed my running shoes and walked the beach with my feet in the water.
This seems like a no-brainer. That's because it is.
All of these little happy decisions seem to accumulate and I find at the end of the day when I am clean and sliding into bed...I feel content. Who knew?!
Suddenly I feel the urge to go sketch....
In the meantime, I'll share a few with you!

Beach quick-ones...

Tai Chi-ers, a solo hoop-shooter and some dog owners at the park. Mud painting thanks to Jasper, a very happy puppy.

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